14th
So That was Fun.
The Ashes is well and truly under way. Here’s our take on England. (Oh, the Aussies, aside from Hussey (C) and Mitch (C+), all got A’s.)
England Report Card:
Strauss: Outbatted by Panesar, outcaptained by Ponting. I know you luv to pop up that collah, dawg, but you bettah be worth that shite. C
Cook: Outbatted by Anderson. Missed a straight full one from Mitch in the second innings; i.e., the pressure told on him. (Note: Does this guy ever do well against quality opposition? Or against bowlers who bowl consistently in the corridor?) C-
Bopara: Needs to prove Warne wrong (who questioned his big-match/big-series temperament some time ago). Or maybe he needs to forget Warne. I mean, I hope he didn’t walk out thinking “I’m gonna prove that no-good poker playing shitface legend wrong today. I’m so fucking pumped!” Jeez, is Warne STILL inside the head of English No. 3’s? B-
Pietersen: Score a century (a big one), dammit, and leave us alone. B
Colly: Yet again, the tenacious and who-needs-a-backlift-anyway ugly duckling saved the day. In fact, the lack of a backlift saved his ass: he never met the ball too hard when the Hauritzer was on with five men and the keeper around the bat. Because he couldn’t. A
Prior: He has a rather oval face, doesn’t he? What can I say? Decent game behind the stumps. Nice cameo in the first innings. Tried to force the pace in the second. Not really a cricketer made for cricket writers. B
Flintoff: Not many runs, just the one wicket. There is a theory doing the rounds that England are better off without him, so his injury might not be the worst thing in the world. Great presence though with his unflagging bowling, and if he’s injured for a seamer-friendly Lords surface, England will miss him. B-
Anderson: If Hilfy could swing it, then Anderson should’ve too. Great batting from the man who holds the world record for most consecutive innings without a duck. B
Broad: Didn’t know whether to attack or defend as a bowler. Ended up doing neither. Aside from one cross-seamed bouncer that got rid of Clarke (I could bowl that), didn’t do much else. Out-shouldered by Siddle. Declared today, “I’m not scared of Siddle.” What a liar. Imagine them in a bar. C-
Swann: I like Swann. But he didn’t bowl well enough. Breezy batting though that every test match requires. B
Panesar: I don’t like Panesar. But he did bowl well. Dogged batting though that every test match requires. B+
We look forward to Thursday.
